Coming out of the chaos

In the last few weeks before schools closed for Term 2, a colleague said to me, “I noticed that you haven’t been writing for your blog anymore.”

Literally today, a connection I made with someone says to me, “I know you write an education blog write …”

My general response is that I know that this past term, I have not shared much of anything. My honest reflection is that I have been feeling so mad, frustrated, and heartbroken, all centred around things happening in my general vicinity, which is my workplace, where I spend most of my days. It literally drained me. I felt so defeated, and I didn’t know how to articulate that. I write about my experiences (often shared with others) in the education space. I aim to share the hardships but also highlight the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, for a long time, I was not able to see much light. The chaos has been blinding, the uncertainty has been unsettling, and my energy was depleting. The truth of the matter is that it isn’t over yet, and I don’t think it will be over for a while.

Being a teacher often means decisions are being made on your behalf, in the name of “making things better and/or easier.” A lot of that has been happening in my school context as of late. Instead of being informed or asked for my input, decisions are imposed as a “must do or die” no matter the impracticality of it all. Poor leadership/management coupled with a really bad sense of judgment is a real thing, and it has massive repercussions, more so when it is truly, wholeheartedly believed that it is the right thing. 

Through it all, I’ve mostly been hard on myself for not seeing it sooner, asking myself, “How could I allow myself to have been tricked/played?” It has been a shocking experience how the last six months have unfolded in the worst ways possible. I’m pretty sure, myself and my colleagues need some heavy therapeutic counselling (the redundancy is necessary).

I can’t share too much on such a public platform. I just want to acknowledge that, the situations might be unique to my school but heavy problems and toxicity exist in many schools and as teachers, I wish we had more of a say to not allow such ill-treatment on any level. Not only for teachers but, I guess, humans in general. Looking forward into the following term, a toxic element has been “removed,” but toxic behaviour often breeds destruction that is left behind for others to deal with. Hence, the chaos can not be over.

I am hopeful for a brighter future, I’m hoping we can come together to figure out how to overcome the mess, even if that means letting it go, which is difficult. I know it will take a lot of intentional effort. In my era of momentary healing and recovery in this winter holiday, I’m feeling a little bit more clear minded, having attended events that have empowered me, but also validated my experiences and the feelings they come with.

With that being said, I really missed my weekly writing and sharing sessions. I want to get back into it because it is something that I love to do and it brings me genuine joy that I think I should be able to tap into not matter whatever external thing is happening that might be depleting my joy.

Let’s get to it. I won’t say I’m looking forward to Term 3, I am willing to let go of the anger so that I enter with a mind more at peace to tackle the challenges and then of course write about it. 😃