A series of different stories that I have personally engaged in. They are all in relation to the human body, how it is perceived and other biases that are held by society. By the way society is all of us. It might be triggering to some individuals but I do hope that you can make it to the end.
One of my closest friends randomly told me “I want to be skinny.” This took me by surprise because I consider her to be a very sexy human being, beautiful inside and out, voluptuous, is what I would say. So, obviously I asked why would she want to be skinny? Believe me when I say that I was ready to get mad if the response was something about being body shamed by some idiot, because that is a form of bullying and should be considered a death penalty offence. Maybe I’m over exaggerating but I am certain that that is a cruel thing. The final response was “Because I want to wear bum shorts.” Knowing her, it really could have been a joke, but I think we can all agree to some extent that there are some serious connotation to saying that.
This was a conversation that involved me telling someone “I have my ‘sexy-looking’ days and my ‘hobo-looking’ days.” Simply meaning, respectively, that there are days that I will put in effort to what I wear and days where I am content with just sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. The gist of the conversation was having a male question what I considered sexy on me, it was a bit hurtful back then. Fast forward a little bit, I then had a series of pictures posted of myself, there was so hidden intention behind doing that. There was one photo in which I happened to be wearing a crop top and had some cleavage. Typically the only one that was commented on with “sexy”. The fighter in me says: “So, sexy is defined as crop top and cleavage?” The crappy response, “No, but showing skin puts you ahead in the game.” I exploded saying, “It is things like these that make women feel that they are less than what they are. That in order to feel sexy or be acknowledged as sexy only happens when they show skin or else they never will be.”
As I have probably mentioned that I draw my inspiration from real life experiences and people on and offline. I happened to come across this Facebook post, one of those “No truer words could ever be spoken.” It was a while ago but once powerful always powerfull, right! The post said, “Nobody owes you natural beauty!” Addressing people who seem to have a lot to say about what others should or shouldn’t look like; using comments like: Be more natural. That isn’t you, it’s a filter. You enhanced your body, it ain’t natural. This is bullying and hurtful, and actually a reflection of self-insecurities. Here’s the link to the post: Check it out
Ever heard of the term Fatphobia? It is the dislike and stigmatization of big(ger) bodies. I found out about the term last year, while watching an awesome mini series called The F-Word on Instagram created by a Viwe Kobokana, whom I have known for a very long time. It is really nice seeing people flourish after so many years. I shall bless you with the first episode at the end so that you many easily find your way to the others. Anyways, I thought it was all so new to be, but then I realised that it is just the official terminology that was new. The experiences of it, overtly or covertly, present themselves daily in our lives and the lives of those closest to us.
Of course I had to open up a conversation. I had things that needed to be asked to become an informed individual of society, so that you can become an informed individual of society, because we continue to spread love, light and knowledge. Here it is:
I guess there is nothing more to be said after that. I just want to echo that it is really all about being happy in your skin. Be positive about it and never allow the negativity to affect who you are. It is a physical, mental and spiritual journey but one that can only be taken by you. Seek advice where you feel you must, hear what experts say if you need to, but the ultimate decision is yours at the end of the day! You owe nobody any type of beauty, but you owe yourself happiness!
Thank you so much for reading, listening and watching. I invite you to share your thoughts, ideas and comments in the comment section. I know I don’t do this often but if you want anonymity, write in the anonymous box below.
As promised, here is Ep 1 from the F-word by Viwe Kobokana.
To be honest I don’t know when humans started worshiping skin as if “skin is life”. In this new age showing more skin is better but having a lot of skin is “disgusting”. Social media teaches people to degrade being “human” and awards beings “fake”. You can be “thick” and voluptuous, thick thighs, big bum, and big breasts but not have stretch marks or a belly. Then on social media platforms the more naked you are the more likes and followers you get and the way people praise it and expect no consequences to come from it (don’t get me wrong I am not condoning rape and sexual harassment that disgusts me to a complete other level). I just wish that we can appreciate how clothes fit on our sister’s bodies instead of how our sisters look like without clothes.
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I completely understand what you mean. It is unfortunate that that is how life as turned out to be. I believe that then it becomes part of out duty to change the narrative. It won’t be easy but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth trying.