I think it is not too much of a stretch to say that most of us have gone through those moments of thinking to ourselves, “I wish I picked up the signs. How did I not see the red flags of why he/she/they are not good for me.” It comes around the time when we say things like “Love is blind” or “I was so infatuated by his/her charisma.” 😅 Okay maybe the latter is a bit too formal to be thinking something like that to yourself, but I hope you get my point.
Lately I have been thinking about this a lot. I’m sure most people have a list of things that they don’t want to experience in a significant other but somehow you just get lost in their eyes, you get weak in the knees, then your heart accelerates, that’s when they’ve got you in the palm of their hand. It no longer matters how many times you’ve been lied to, it doesn’t matter how many times you are only booty-called in a week. It all just feels right, until … I know you know 😉.
I want to share some of the red flags that I’ve experienced in my short lifetime, more especially the ones that are sort of sneaky, like you have to be on high alert 🔴 to actually see it coming . I really don’t think I am the only one who goes through these things but maybe we can come up with plans together on what to do when we notice that a red flag is being waved in front of our faces.
(Quick disclaimer, it is highly likely that most of the time I might be referring to a ‘he’ but I think this goes for all types of relationships 😅).
Some of the unnoticeable red flags 🚩:
- The way in which you are complimented
There is a difference in someone complimenting you on your intellect or your inner characteristics eg. “You are a smart and brilliant minded human being with such an amazing heart, you genuinely care about so many things.” It is something else for someone to only compliment your physical traits eg. “Oooh, girl, that ass though, especially in that dress with those legs …” I am not saying that physical trait compliments aren’t nice, what I am saying is, if that is all you get then that is probably all that he might be thinking about, unfortunately. I do, however, think that there should be some sort of balance. If you look sexy in that outfit, then yes, it should be acknowledged, but that can’t be all that is seen, there are stuff on the inside too.
- Only hanging out when there is no one else around
Privacy is very important, there is some correlation with quality time (my first love language). But now you need to notice patterns. It is totally okay to not want to be always in the public eye, but if you are never, then what does that mean? Imagine he only wants you guys to chill in his private room/flat/house all the time or he only calls for a visit at night (maybe even when people are asleep). I personally think that can be a little sketchy, but no judgements if that is what you are into.
- Excuses, excuses, EXCUSES
Life happens that is very true. It happens to everyone and there are some uncontrollable factors. Now if an uncontrollable factor is recurring with every plan at the last minute, no boo boo, it isn’t worth it. I have reached that point in almost all situations where I expect the excuses, unfortunately there are times that I make them too, but in all honesty we are all wrong. Why should we lead people on like that? False hope after false hope, it sucks and it hurts! Tell the truth and tell it as early as possible. You either want to be with this other person/people or you don’t. By making excuses all the time and not giving definite answers, you are hindering that person from flourishing and living their best life without you.
- Making time vs Being fit into a schedule
I don’t know about you but I see these things as two different things. If you really care, then you will try your utmost best to make time and however much is necessary. This is different from basically being told that you are just another meeting in a diary and there is limited time because there’s another appointment coming up. This one is lowkey a deal breaker for me, and I have been very explicit about it lately. Time is so precious and valuable; as much as I do not know how much of it is left for me to spend with you, you do not know either. What I know is that if you are important to me, and with good reason, everthing else can wait.
There are so many more red flags out there. How many can you think of? The best think one can do is not be ignorant of them.
We need to take note of them and stay away, run towards someone who will treat you how you want to be treated and you treat them how they want to be treated.
Let’s raise the flag of #Royalty
You explained this superbly.
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So accurate and…personal(laughs).
Anyway, I just think that we don’t think clearly when we are sooo into people. I must say that this is not just with our significant others but family and friends too. We think it’s normal behaviour and begin to tolerate it, only to figure out that it’s utter mistreatment in a toxic relationship.
Like you said, it is tricky to see red flags coming as they are not frankly brutal. So a general way to know would be, if a person wouldn’t treat their loved one in a certain way, then they shouldn’t be allowed to be treated that way.
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I 100% agrees with you on so many levels.. Thank you so much for your input. Brilliant!!